Archive for Life o’ ty

Lets learn about sex.

I am not entirely sure how I stumbled upon this but…I am now watching the second of two programs on TLC regarding sexuality and sexual attractiveness.  There is a good chance that if I had been taking notes, I could seduce people immediately.  I now know math and science as to why people find others attractive as well as the parts of the brain that trigger arousal and orgasms.  I mean…I am practically a dominatrix at this point.

Go sex!

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Seriously, what is wrong with boys?

I know it’s intimidating to find a girl who is confident and successful and hot all at the same time.  So when that girl happens to hang out with you, try not to freak out about it.  And lets not forget that just because a girl enjoys hanging out with you, that doesn’t mean she wants to marry you.

OH and just because you hook up, doesn’t mean the next day when she texts you to say the Braves are on ESPN that she is really trying to tell you that she is madly in love with you and wants to marry you…she probably just wanted to let you know the Braves were on ESPN.

I say these things because I think that boys have this knee jerk reaction to think that just because a girl is friendly and fun that she is up to no good.  I gotta tell ya’ I don’t want to marry you any more than you want to marry me…and by that I mean-I am not ready for marriage.  I like to drink beer, talk on the radio, hang out at sporting events and read Cosmo magazine.  You as my husband doesn’t really work into that equation.  I’m not saying we can’t grab dinner or a movie…maybe even a romp in the ol’ sack.  I just don’t really want your last name near mine.

Thanks though.  You’re freaking out about nothing is totally cool and actually really appreciated.

Who knew that asians made great chicken wings?!

Ok so thats sort of a stretch.  I enjoy chicken wings.  I am from Buffalo. Deal.

My favorite wings in Central NY come from a place called Change of Pace.  Again, deal.  I have tried chicken wings anywhere from Albany to Niagara Falls, to Los Angeles and New Orleans…bitch the best wings are at (in no particular order exactly) Duffs in Buffalo, McGregors in Rochester and Change of Pace in Syracuse.  Yes there are solid wings at Cavallos and McGills but I am telling you now they do not compare.

Back to the asian.

“Mark.”  This dude makes the tastiest goddamn chicken wing.  It’s too bad he is a Mets fan.  I’d consider marriage.  Crispy and saucy and delivered hot as hell to my face.  Atta boy.

Mark, thanks for dinner.  It was delicious with my pitcher of beer and cup o’ blue cheese.

The end.

Pound it, ok I’d just rather not though.

White folks should not pound. We should either not touch, or shake hands. Even the occasional high five works. Lets be honest, we look awkward.

I bring this up as today I was given a fist, limply and awkwardly “hanging” waiting for the pound.

Here is the thing about the pound. I don’t know what you want from me. Are we pounding knuckles or top bottom? Don’t just hold your fish hook sort of in my face and wait for me to make an ass of myself.

Shake my goddamn hand. I’m white. I am a woman. I shouldn’t pound. It makes me look like an asshat.

Lesbians Love Me.

Its true.  I mean, I am really sort of totally into guys but for some reason-lesbians really like me.  And not just think it would be fun to hang.  No no.  They want to stick there tongues places I don’t really want them to as they aren’t dudes.  It is actually getting bizarre.  I am not bothered by it, I just can’t place why.

And for the record, as per any usual K-Rock Bar Night hosted by yours truly I was groped.  However this was by a lesbian, hence the blog.

Night!

Things I don’t want as a beverage with my meal.

I went to my favorite Indian restaurant recently.  I knew what I wanted but was having a bit of ADD so while I was waiting for the waitress to come back, I looked over the rest of the menu.

Much to my surprise they have an amazing beverage selection.

Under “Beverages”  it listed: Cock, Diet Cock, Sprite….

Yes.

Cock.  and Diet Cock.

Not Coke.  Cock.

I don’t want that with my Chicken Tikka Masala, thank you.

New Orleans

I have a moderately sick obsession with New Orleans.  I went there for the first time in September, very last minute.  I fell in love with that dirty little city.  Lets put it this way, I have lived in Upstate or Central NY my entire life.  I have visited other places but always lived here.  I like it here, I love chicken wings and the Buffalo Bills/Sabres (for better or for worse.)  I have never been one for museums or anything but I love the culture in NOLA.

I want to go back very badly, specifically for Jazz Fest.  Those of you who know radio understand that in the Spring and the Fall vacation isn’t exactly allowed.  Jazz Fest is in the spring.  Bummer.  Someday I will be unemployed and I will make it.  This idea excites me.  Unemployment.  Jazz Fest.  Can’t wait.

So what prompts this sudden profession of love?  Beignets.  Tonight I went to dinner with some friends and there is a new dessert on the menu.  Beignet.  LOVE THEM!

learn more.

We went to Cafe Du Monde.  I had that tasty pictured item.  And tonight I had one in Central New York.  And it was great.

Grand Theft Auto and the Syracuse Chiefs

Going to the baseball game with a friend from out of town tomorrow. (thank you Galaxy Communications and the Syracuse Chiefs for having a free ticket partnership.) He sent me a greeting card from my favorite egreetings site. I replied like any real friend does:

Go Chiefs!