Archive for June, 2008

Ninja Baseball

Check out the catch this whore makes!

 

Damn ball girl.

 

 

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Stress is a Mother F**ker

I am pretty good about falling right asleep at night.  Usually if I have problems sleeping it is derived from going to bed too early and waking up at 3am.  Hate that.

Tonight, I have tried everything I can think of to get to sleep.  Yes it is only 11pm at this moment but when I first went to bed I was tired!  Now here I sit blogging, because I clearly couldn’t fall asleep.

The real problem is that I can’t turn off my brain when I get stressed.  It’s like the scene in High Fidelity where John Cusack faces off with Ray/Ian in the music store, a sort of name your own adventure.  

Damn I love that movie.  Perhaps I will watch it if I am not asleep soon.  Who wants to come over for a mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmovie? 

So you’re saying to yourself, “she’s a radio dj, what could possibly be stressful?!”  I’ll say this, sometimes cds go missing.  OR something sales people can’t write a 60 second commercial and I have to deal with it.  Bitches.  There are lots of really uninteresting stressful things that I encounter on a daily basis.  Sometimes my headphones break.  Sometimes I can’t get into the studio I need.  SOMETIMES RAINMAN COMES IN SMELLING LIKE BREAKFAST!  This can be really hard to deal with at 12:30 when you’re all at lunch and I am still on the air til 2pm.  Breakfast is delicious.

 

So right….High Fidelity anyone?

Things I dont understand

Cars and Boys.

Cars never work correctly.  The moment you get a car, something breaks or doesn’t work as it is supposed to.  Maybe its the radio, maybe the engine…always something is wrong.

Boys never work correctly.  The moment you get one, something breaks or doesn’t work as it is supposed to.  Maybe it’s his attitude. maybe he is lazy…always something is wrong.

The end.

Seriously, what is wrong with boys?

I know it’s intimidating to find a girl who is confident and successful and hot all at the same time.  So when that girl happens to hang out with you, try not to freak out about it.  And lets not forget that just because a girl enjoys hanging out with you, that doesn’t mean she wants to marry you.

OH and just because you hook up, doesn’t mean the next day when she texts you to say the Braves are on ESPN that she is really trying to tell you that she is madly in love with you and wants to marry you…she probably just wanted to let you know the Braves were on ESPN.

I say these things because I think that boys have this knee jerk reaction to think that just because a girl is friendly and fun that she is up to no good.  I gotta tell ya’ I don’t want to marry you any more than you want to marry me…and by that I mean-I am not ready for marriage.  I like to drink beer, talk on the radio, hang out at sporting events and read Cosmo magazine.  You as my husband doesn’t really work into that equation.  I’m not saying we can’t grab dinner or a movie…maybe even a romp in the ol’ sack.  I just don’t really want your last name near mine.

Thanks though.  You’re freaking out about nothing is totally cool and actually really appreciated.

Who knew that asians made great chicken wings?!

Ok so thats sort of a stretch.  I enjoy chicken wings.  I am from Buffalo. Deal.

My favorite wings in Central NY come from a place called Change of Pace.  Again, deal.  I have tried chicken wings anywhere from Albany to Niagara Falls, to Los Angeles and New Orleans…bitch the best wings are at (in no particular order exactly) Duffs in Buffalo, McGregors in Rochester and Change of Pace in Syracuse.  Yes there are solid wings at Cavallos and McGills but I am telling you now they do not compare.

Back to the asian.

“Mark.”  This dude makes the tastiest goddamn chicken wing.  It’s too bad he is a Mets fan.  I’d consider marriage.  Crispy and saucy and delivered hot as hell to my face.  Atta boy.

Mark, thanks for dinner.  It was delicious with my pitcher of beer and cup o’ blue cheese.

The end.

Pound it, ok I’d just rather not though.

White folks should not pound. We should either not touch, or shake hands. Even the occasional high five works. Lets be honest, we look awkward.

I bring this up as today I was given a fist, limply and awkwardly “hanging” waiting for the pound.

Here is the thing about the pound. I don’t know what you want from me. Are we pounding knuckles or top bottom? Don’t just hold your fish hook sort of in my face and wait for me to make an ass of myself.

Shake my goddamn hand. I’m white. I am a woman. I shouldn’t pound. It makes me look like an asshat.

Lesbians Love Me.

Its true.  I mean, I am really sort of totally into guys but for some reason-lesbians really like me.  And not just think it would be fun to hang.  No no.  They want to stick there tongues places I don’t really want them to as they aren’t dudes.  It is actually getting bizarre.  I am not bothered by it, I just can’t place why.

And for the record, as per any usual K-Rock Bar Night hosted by yours truly I was groped.  However this was by a lesbian, hence the blog.

Night!

Things I don’t want as a beverage with my meal.

I went to my favorite Indian restaurant recently.  I knew what I wanted but was having a bit of ADD so while I was waiting for the waitress to come back, I looked over the rest of the menu.

Much to my surprise they have an amazing beverage selection.

Under “Beverages”  it listed: Cock, Diet Cock, Sprite….

Yes.

Cock.  and Diet Cock.

Not Coke.  Cock.

I don’t want that with my Chicken Tikka Masala, thank you.

New Orleans

I have a moderately sick obsession with New Orleans.  I went there for the first time in September, very last minute.  I fell in love with that dirty little city.  Lets put it this way, I have lived in Upstate or Central NY my entire life.  I have visited other places but always lived here.  I like it here, I love chicken wings and the Buffalo Bills/Sabres (for better or for worse.)  I have never been one for museums or anything but I love the culture in NOLA.

I want to go back very badly, specifically for Jazz Fest.  Those of you who know radio understand that in the Spring and the Fall vacation isn’t exactly allowed.  Jazz Fest is in the spring.  Bummer.  Someday I will be unemployed and I will make it.  This idea excites me.  Unemployment.  Jazz Fest.  Can’t wait.

So what prompts this sudden profession of love?  Beignets.  Tonight I went to dinner with some friends and there is a new dessert on the menu.  Beignet.  LOVE THEM!

learn more.

We went to Cafe Du Monde.  I had that tasty pictured item.  And tonight I had one in Central New York.  And it was great.

Becoming Illegal

The Honorable Tom  Harkin
731 Hart Senate  Office Building
Phone (202) 224  3254
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan  and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I
am writing to ask  for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of
Homeland Security in  an effort to determine the process for becoming an
illegal alien and they  referred me to you.

My primary reason  for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
illegal alien stems from  the bill which was recently passed by the Senate
and for which you voted. If  my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate,
as an illegal alien  who has been in the
United States for five years, all I
need to do to become a  citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for
three of the last five  years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am
anxious
to get the process  started before everyone figures it  out.

Simply put, those of  us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes
every year so I’m excited  about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes
in return for paying a  $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be
illegal retroactively?  This would yield an excellent result for me and my
family
because we paid  heavy taxes in 2004 and  2005.

Additionally, as an  illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency
room as my primary  health care provider. Once I have stopped paying
premiums for medical  insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a
year.

Another benefit in  gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would
receive preferential  treatment relative to her law school applications, as
well as ‘in-state’  tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States
for my  son.

Lastly, I understand  that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of
renewing my driver’s  license and making those burdensome car insurance
premiums. This is very  important to me given that I still have college age
children driving my  car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be
most appreciative.  Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Donald  Ruppert
Burlington , IA

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